Author Topic: Here's a joke forya......  (Read 2580 times)

159th_Jester

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Here's a joke forya......
« on: January 01, 2018, 12:51:27 PM »
Your new bloody registration/ activation process.

Had to make a Gmail account cos your bloody software doesn't like my real e-mail provider. Jesus. I turn my back for a year or so and you lot bugger off to Hell in a handbasket!!

Came round to wish you a happy new year and lo and behold you buggers have gone and changed the bloody locks..... And the curtains....... And the carpets!!


Christ on a crutch, Jojo..... You better get your arse over here with a glass of YPV pronto before I start having palpitations!!!!



AND WHY DON'T THE FLAMING SMILEYS WORK???????


[EDIT]

.........AND WHERE DID THOSE TWO SMILEYS COME FROM???



159th_Archer

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Re: Here's a joke forya......
« Reply #1 on: January 01, 2018, 02:04:46 PM »
Yo-ho and a happy-New-year to our 'positive mental state' adviser too! -I see you're actually in a better frame of mind at the minute than is usual at this time of year, Comrade J!

Glad you're still knocking about by-the-way, -apologies for * (enter all of the above you complained about here) but we we hit by Hurricane Boris. Summat like that any-road...

YPV is back in the stores -so not everything is stuffed. :P

159th_Jester

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Re: Here's a joke forya......
« Reply #2 on: January 01, 2018, 02:41:52 PM »
Well it's no bloody use in the store is it???


C'mon man. It's not often you get you get a guest of my stature (re: half crippled!!)


Oh hang on. I see you've had a promotion. Where's your manservant?....... Jojo.......? Oh Jojo where are you?? I'm still waiting for my drink over here.......   

Axman

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Re: Here's a joke forya......
« Reply #3 on: January 01, 2018, 02:49:53 PM »
You never change, J. Such a happy go lucky soul.  :)

159th_Jester

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Re: Here's a joke forya......
« Reply #4 on: January 01, 2018, 02:54:00 PM »
Course I don't change...... If I did none of you buggers would recognise me would you??  :P


Besides, now I'm too old to die young I'm too old for all that change malarkey as well. That's mt excuse and I'm sticking to it!!

159th_Archer

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Re: Here's a joke forya......
« Reply #5 on: January 01, 2018, 03:25:11 PM »
Ahh yes Jester -whilst you're in a good mood and feeling co-operative, can I ask you a few questions seeing as you're an ex-squad CO?

First off -how many volts do you recommend when questioning ground-crew about minor misdemenors? -over 100?

The trap-door into the snake pit -did you prefer it inside the office or in the corridor?

And finally -when you require a pilot to 'do the honorable thing' and top themselves -did you ever give 'em a spare bullet?

159th_Jester

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Re: Here's a joke forya......
« Reply #6 on: January 01, 2018, 03:34:47 PM »
Ahh yes Jester -whilst you're in a good mood and feeling co-operative, can I ask you a few questions seeing as you're an ex-squad CO?

First off -how many volts do you recommend when questioning ground-crew about minor misdemenors? -over 100?

No no no. More finesse. The voltage is not important. So long as the current is flowing at HV line level you'll be fine. Just remember, if you have time to say "frying tonight!" you've probably left it too long and will need to contact Moscow for a replacement.

Quote
The trap-door into the snake pit -did you prefer it inside the office or in the corridor?

Under the visitor's chair is usually good. Certainly most efficient as it cuts out 50% of the wear on the carpet (cos the bugger doesn't have to walk on it to leave....!)

Quote
And finally -when you require a pilot to 'do the honorable thing' and top themselves -did you ever give 'em a spare bullet?

Oh c'mon now Archer.... Do you have such a short memory? "Give" them a spare bullet? Absolutely not......... Sell them one.....Maybe.



And who says I'm in a good mood?....... I'M STILL WAITING FOR MY BLOODY DRINK!!!!

159th_Archer

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Re: Here's a joke forya......
« Reply #7 on: January 01, 2018, 04:28:32 PM »
Ahh yes Jester -whilst you're in a good mood and feeling co-operative, can I ask you a few questions seeing as you're an ex-squad CO?


Quote
The trap-door into the snake pit -did you prefer it inside the office or in the corridor?

Under the visitor's chair is usually good. Certainly most efficient as it cuts out 50% of the wear on the carpet (cos the bugger doesn't have to walk on it to leave....!)

Ohh -I hadn't thought of that!

Quote
And finally -when you require a pilot to 'do the honorable thing' and top themselves -did you ever give 'em a spare bullet?

Oh c'mon now Archer.... Do you have such a short memory? "Give" them a spare bullet? Absolutely not......... Sell them one.....Maybe.

Mmmm -I'm confused here for all sorts of reasons; the fact that they'd need another bullet shows poor marksmanship -which is punishable by death of course. The fact that they would in fact be doing a 'blue-on-blue' is also punishable by death -problem is, which one do they get executed for firstly?!


And who says I'm in a good mood?....... I'M STILL WAITING FOR MY BLOODY DRINK!!!!

159th_Jester

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Re: Here's a joke forya......
« Reply #8 on: January 01, 2018, 06:37:15 PM »
Quote
Mmmm -I'm confused here for all sorts of reasons; the fact that they'd need another bullet shows poor marksmanship -which is punishable by death of course. The fact that they would in fact be doing a 'blue-on-blue' is also punishable by death -problem is, which one do they get executed for firstly?!

Well as CO that's your perogative. However I wouldn't report too many cases of waking them up to shoot them again to Moscow. Comrade Putin may become concerned about your marksmanship and invite you to attend one of his ....erm.... hunting expeditions......!!


AND WHERE'S MY DRINK???????


[edit]  .... And what the hell is going on with these smileys? When I want to use 'em they don't work and when I don't want to use 'em they bloody well show up!!!!!

[edited edit]........Hmmm.... Thinking about it, they kind of remind me of how FW used to be..............
« Last Edit: January 01, 2018, 06:42:31 PM by 159th_Jester »

Axman

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Re: Here's a joke forya......
« Reply #9 on: January 01, 2018, 09:50:54 PM »
Quote


AND WHERE'S MY DRINK???????


[edit]  .... And what the hell is going on with these smileys? When I want to use 'em they don't work and when I don't want to use 'em they bloody well show up!!!!!

[edited edit]........Hmmm.... Thinking about it, they kind of remind me of how FW used to be..............

Barman Administrator Jo, will be along soon enough.

Hey, are you qualified to pass dispersions on FW, old man?  :)

159th_Jester

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Re: Here's a joke forya......
« Reply #10 on: January 01, 2018, 10:09:53 PM »
Qualified? Me? QUALIFIED??

I was flying Su-33's into the back of the Kuz........ Erm.... I mean flying from and landing on the Kuz, in zero visibility before you were out of nappies. This was back in the day when if the Kuz changed course during a mission, your ILS would direct you to land across the width of the deck rather than along it's length.

Runways? Pah! We laughed at runways.


......So to answer your question you bloody whipper-snapper......... No. I'm probably  not!!  :P

Axman

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Re: Here's a joke forya......
« Reply #11 on: January 01, 2018, 10:16:55 PM »
Good answer, because neither am I.  :)

159th_Mako

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Re: Here's a joke forya......
« Reply #12 on: January 13, 2018, 11:04:06 PM »
Qualified? Me? QUALIFIED??

I was flying Su-33's into the back of the Kuz........ Erm.... I mean flying from and landing on the Kuz, in zero visibility before you were out of nappies. This was back in the day when if the Kuz changed course during a mission, your ILS would direct you to land across the width of the deck rather than along it's length.

Runways? Pah! We laughed at runways.


......So to answer your question you bloody whipper-snapper......... No. I'm probably  not!!  :P

Good Ol Jester!!

There's more Su33's parked on or around the propellers of the Kutz than I care to remember!   I think we used to just tie a dinghy to the back for us to swim to :)


159th_Archer

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Re: Here's a joke forya......
« Reply #13 on: January 15, 2018, 03:20:01 PM »
Just done a quick head-count of new members, old members and those that tend to inhabit the graveyard; it appears we have more old members (some of whom are actually listed as being in the graveyard) and the active pilots (those that have been seen moving at some point) are now vastly out-numbered.

Upshot of this is that we need a massive recruitment drive on fit-young nurses to 'assist' the cronked lot. Out of respect for the role of CO I cannot possibly affirm rumours I'm on this list.

So, if you see any fit young (and preferrably female!) nurse, just reach out and grab 'em. It's OK as the CO has made this an official order, so no Cops will interfere.

After-all -just look at poor-old Helenkova -she's proper shagged-out.

159th_Mako

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Re: Here's a joke forya......
« Reply #14 on: January 15, 2018, 07:14:12 PM »

Who are you calling old??? Mind you - there's nurses involved, pass me the zimmer frame!